Dear Santa, I need some storage.

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Dear Santa,

Christmas is almost here and I’m not ready yet.  I am hoping you can help.  I know it has been a while since I have written you, but I have been very busy.  In fact that is part of what I need help with. 

I don’t have any time because I am constantly managing explosive data growth and expanding storage.  The “Big Data” stuff everyone is talking about is a lot harder than it looks.  Since you track if everyone has been naughty or nice, you must be the first big data user.  I can’t even imagine the amount of data you have to analyze and store.  You must have trillions of records.  How do you store it all?  Do you have an entire division of elves building disk systems?  I don’t know what you pay elves, but I can’t afford to keep hiring storage administrators.  I assume being at the North Pole you do not have a cooling challenge (maybe I should put my next data center up there).  Are the rumors true that you get your power from one of the nuclear-powered submarines that are stationed under the ice cap?

I am struggling to figure out how to store all my data.  My users won’t let me get rid of anything, but most of the data isn’t being used right now.  Santa, I just don’t know what to do.  Can you bring me some storage that can scale as big as possible, won’t cost a lot to run and will keep my users data safe?  I really want to have more time to spend time doing something besides replacing failed hard drives and wondering when I will run out of space.  Speaking of space, it can’t be too big; I don’t have much room left in my datacenter since we installed 300 Hadoop servers. 

If you can help me out with this, it will really make my 2013 a lot better.  And I promise to write you more.

Thanks.

PS:  As long as you are coming by, I would also like a Ferrari.